We have all heard it before. The teachers’ constant complaints leading up to Thursday’s half-day regarding how students “are so lucky that they get half a day off” and that they will be stuck “listening to useless presentations” and “sitting in pointless meetings.” They expect us to take out our tiny violins for them. Nonsense. You heard it here first, SHS students: the complaints are all a ruse.

While the teachers claim to be sitting around hearing staff lectures, they are covertly engaging in Fooskootball races all throughout the hallways in the new wing and fourth floor, where the windows perpendicular to the staircases provide pristine light for competition, and the dimensions of the areas provide the perfect playing court.

What is Fooskootball you ask? A combination of football and basketball played on scooters. Baskets are set up on the opposite sides of the hallways, as teachers play according to the rules of basketball except with a football in one hand, and their other maneuvering their scooter for maximum mobility.

Teachers engage in bracket-style competition, with each department acting as a team. Three different games are played at the same time, using each of the three floors of the new wing as courts. The final face-off between the two leading teams, however,  is set to be played on the whole fourth-floor language wing, the perfect space for competition.

On Friday the 21st, skid marks will be found all throughout the new wings, and especially on the fourth floor where the fiercest of competitions will have taken place. If your math teacher has a sprained ankle, or your English teacher has torn their ACL, you will know why.

Now, we know this isn’t completely realistic, because not all teachers are as athletic as we make them out to be. Of course, Fooskootball was not the only option for teachers.

A special guest joins the school for the afternoon: DJ Jeff Yahnee, of course. He throws a rager in gym A, playing the best tunes from “the olden days,” during the prime of SHS teachers. To recap the rager, here’s an image for you: teachers screaming, “DJ JEFF! DJ JEFF! DJ JEFF!” while DJ Jeff holds up a sign reading, “Scarsdale High School Teachers Rock!” It doesn’t get better than this. Oh wait…it does. Manny, the famous ice cream connoisseur brings his truck out of winter hibernation and hands out free SpongeBob popsicles and Choco Tacos.

Teachers are able to opt out of these activities and head to the mindfulness room where they are able to do arts and crafts and practice the skills of mindfulness they try so hard to rewire our brains to enjoy.

The “boring half day” ends with mandatory team building in the rock wall gym, where teachers practice spotting each other as their partner traverses the rock wall blindfolded.

Such a tough day at the office, right?