The teenage years: filled with drama, acne and… traumatic gym classes? Yes, indeed, gym class here in Scarsdale is not just a requirement to graduate, but an art form that must be mastered both physically and mentally. Rather than getting an education only in various sports, one acquires the true meaning of life through this spiritual experience. Gym class allows your peers to see a whole different side of you that even you didn’t know existed. In short, in gym class, you will be found. One warning: the side effects of this discovery might include a slight loss of dignity.

Everybody loves working up a nice sweat that glimmers on their face throughout the rest of their day. A natural glow can perhaps be appealing. But the wet circles under your arms? The body odor? Not so much. No amount of antiperspirant that can do the job.

Innocent elementary games turn traumatic. Who knew that fond memories of happily competing in wheelbarrow races could be replaced by a horror-movie-esque nightmare of aggressive competition and fear that all those years of orthodontia will be lost with one embarrassing spill. Not only that, if you are the unlucky one to fall on your face, your wheelbarrow reputation will be ruined. Forever.

And then there’s the pacer test—a.k.a. the test of who can keep their breakfast down the longest. We get it, Johnny. You do track. You know you don’t need to get over a 200 on the pacer—you were exempt after 30. We want to leave. Congrats, you’ve made the rest of us feel bad about our bodies.

Why is it that all Scarsdale gym teachers are so enthusiastic when it comes to the rock wall, and feel the need to continuously remind us that this is the ‘tallest rock wall for a high school’? But funny how they don’t seem to be too concerned how many students take on the responsibility to belay those twice their size. When they go low, you go high. There’s definitely no safety concerns about climbing the wall blindfolded. That magical red line can apparently protect you from anything.  

“Can’t wait to use all the new equipment in the fitness center,” says an average freshman. How adorable. Little do they know that using machines the way they were intended to be used is overrated. Here in Scarsdale, we like using the equipment in a non-traditional way. Why would one use the weight lifting machine to lift weights when you could climb on top of it in a “the floor is lava” challenge instead? The best part is, if you touch the floor, the whole class has to go back and try the course again. Not only does this allow you to spend some much needed time perfecting your parkour skills, but it also makes the whole class groan and glare at you if you are the one unfortunate person in the class to fall.  

But we can all agree the best part of gym is the background music that gets all the students in the mood to work out right after lunch. The country, pop or oldies throwbacks truly enhance the gym experience, aka getting lapped by a frosh on the warm-up laps. Really, who doesn’t want to do sit-ups to “Take Me Home, Country Roads” by John Denver?