Spring has officially begun, and there is plenty to enjoy:

• Warm weather
• Being glad that you don’t have allergies (unless you do…)
• Girl Scout cookies
• Lemonade stands
• Avengers: Endgame
• And much more

However, right now we will take a look at the most anticipated event of the season. No, it’s not the billion dollar grossing Marvel finale, nor is it the sale of the best cookies on the planet (and also Samoas). In fact, none of the items listed above come especially close to the subject of this article. Okay, enough with the theatrics. There’s no big reveal. You can just read the headline.

In all seriousness, the SAT II tests are approaching, which sucks because we already hate the original SAT, and the sequel is always worse than the original (and that includes Endgame). For all of the Freshmen out there, today we will focus specifically on the bio SAT II, which is right between “bionicles” and “bio-warfare” both in the dictionary and in the amount of terror it brings to the world.

For Freshmen, the concept of standardized testing and things actually mattering is fairly new, so we are here to ease the stress and answer some frequently asked questions. Of course, you don’t have to be a Freshman to enjoy this universally relevant piece of literature about preparing for the College Board Biology SAT II (E/M). Off we go…

How do I register for the test?

Ah, good question. Hey, mom? MOM? She’s not answering. I don’t know.

What should I do on the day of the test?

Get up early, and have a healthy breakfast, so Special K instead of Frosted Flakes. Then get to school a little early with plenty of sharpened pencils and your photo ID. Also, you will have to sign a statement that says you have not cheated in any way, so remember to ask your parents if you are involved in any elaborate college admissions schemes!

How should I prepare for the test?

See a tutor once a week, take as many practice tests as possible, or buy a review book. If you stare at the pages wondering why none of this material was covered in your bio 513 class then you know you bought the right book.

What happens if I don’t do well?

You do not necessarily need to send your score to the colleges that you apply to. Worst comes to worst, your parents will help you photoshop yourself into a rowing race and we’ll see where things lead.

What is the E and M section?

E stands for ecological biology, and M stands for molecular biology. In simple terms, E is a deer getting eaten by a pack of wolves, and M is the chemical process of breaking down the nutrients in the wolf’s stomach. In even simpler terms, E is big biology, and M is little biology.

How does the scoring work?

The recipe is as follows:

1. Preheat the oven to 350ºF
2. Pour all the questions into a mixing bowl
3. Set aside the skipped questions and dispose of properly
4. Mix for 2-3 minutes
5. Pick out ¼ of the incorrect answers to make the raw score.
6. Put the raw score in the oven and check back in 15-20 business days
7. The raw score will rise in the oven and become the curved score
8. Let the curved score cool for 10 minutes and then enjoy it by yourself or share it with some friends!

There you have it! I hope this comprehensive Q&A session has been helpful for you or at least a good refresher even if you are not a Freshman. Happy studying…