How To Avoid Writing A College Supplement

October 2, 2019

It is college application season, which means that seniors are faced with the worst, most difficult dilemma of their lives:

Would you rather

a) actually work hard for two months and have a stress-free rest of senior year

b) push this all off until January, let the college panic linger until March, and continue wasting time watching those 45 minute videos of two South Asian boys building a pool by hand?

This is the hardest decision anyone has ever had to make. Sure, college is nice and all, but going into a crisis of self in order to write a supplement that will be reviewed by the admissions team for a maximum of thirty seconds isn’t really my jam. In fact, here is a comprehensive list of all the things I’d rather do than write a supplement:

Be late to Vaughan or Tom’s class. I no longer value my life.
Do my regular homework. Do you know how desperate I have to be to WILLINGLY read Shakespeare?
Make a list of things I’d rather do than write a supplement—that’s actually a good idea, I might wanna follow up on that one.
Create a spreadsheet of where everyone’s first choice school is to look back on when decisions come out and figure out who got rejected. Yup, I’d rather become an evil villain than write these essays.
Be that one freshman on Varsity A that has to sing a solo at the pep rally.
Join Model UN. That’s right. I’m willing to sell my soul.
Take the ACT again. I never thought I’d actively miss a science section.
Take the SAT again. No calculator? No problem! Haha!!!
Take SAT subject tests again. Dude, I’m so miserable.
Not mention the fact that I take BC Calculus every five minutes. I know what you’re thinking (“how else is everyone supposed to know?”), and you’re 100% right, but these are turbulent times.
Be nice to a freshman. You heard me, I’m giving up the golden opportunity to give wildly incorrect directions to a lost freshman just trying to get to class.
Pay as much as is physically possible. Lori Loughlin, I understand.
Listen to that one friend’s entire “dating” history without making any snarky comments. Yes, it’s okay that you cheated on your boyfriend. You were having a hot girl summer and he should understand that.
Not go to college. Okay, maybe not actually. My mom says I have to.