Homeroom Announcements

“Good morning. We have 15,000 announcements.”

*Incomprehensible mumbling*

*More incomprehensible mumbling*

*Seriously, what the heck is this person saying*

“Hey everyone. If you have Chronic Mumbling Disorder like my friend who just spoke, or if you have some pathetic allergy to actually leaning into a microphone and talking clearly like a normal person, then please come join the Enunciation Club. We provide instruction and assistance to people who volunteer to make morning announcements despite their utter oratory incompetence. And if you are proficient in speaking, then please come join me as one of the instructors. We could always use the help. Thanks!”

“Juniors, listen up. We remember how much you loved the Amazing Race last year, so mark your calendars for this weekend’s upcoming Junior Class Government Sweatshop for Charity event. In the holiday spirit, we will be thinking about people other than ourselves. We will work hard to make clothing for impoverished children in our area and then send those clothes to big brand clothing companies who will sell the clothing to those lucky kids. The event will run from 5:00 AM on Saturday to 11:00 PM on Sunday in room 307. There will be munchkins, occasional bathroom breaks (assuming you earn them), and many, many tears. If you are claustrophobic or prone to fainting, we recommend that you suck it up because this event is fully mandatory. See you there!”

“If you wish you were a model but you look like an adult-sized fat baby, please swing by the art studio during fifth period. The Painting Club is looking for people to pose for us while we work on our Fernando Botero project.”

“Hi everybody. There is a fundraiser event after school today for the Please Don’t Boycott Israel, Like Seriously, Please Just Don’t Do That Club. There will be cookies, beverages, and each attendee will go home with West Bank land claim as a party favor. Be sure to bring back a brochure for your family.”