The Best of Assassin Tweets

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As the seniors come to terms with their final fleeting moments at Scarsdale High School, they cling on to whatever last glimpses of childhood they can retain. They embrace traditions of the community in which they were raised in order to seek solace through the closure of their youth. In the last few weeks, most of the SHS community has become infatuated with one such tradition, Assassin. With the community’s opinion divided about whether the game should be played high school seniors have rejoiced at the opportunity to participate in something reminiscent of their childhood games. As members of the senior class chase each other in a tactical game of cat and mouse, three seniors graduating in the class of 2017 have ingrained themselves behind the scenes and become integral to the enjoyment. Sol Thompson, Zach Kapner, and Ellis Jones have both arranged and perfectly personified the wit and youthful glee that creates such childful enthusiasm around Assassin. Not only do they run the game, but they also encapsulate it by running the twitter page that cements and catalogues the games legacy. Though the thrill of playing the game is hard to match, in running this page, the three writers have had an almost equally fun time. “It’s fun to be creative and write jokes, especially when one of my close friends gets out. However, we’ve had to keep in mind that we have people who’ve never met the kids we’re joking about and have to make jokes that can’t be taken the wrong way” Thompson noted about his experience running the twitter page. “I think my partners, Zach and Ellis, have done a great job in helping me to write and moderate the twitter.” A fantastic job they have done indeed.

The Best Tweets

  1. Lena just wanted some girl scout cookies. She’ll never look at thin mints the same way again. #tagalongsarethebest #ifyoulikesamoasyousuck
  2. Upon hearing of their daughter’s murder, Mary Cecil’s parents stated “It’s fine, we still have 8 more.” They didn’t know it was a game #fam
  3. If Sol and Zach worked as hard in school as they did on assassin maybe one of them would be going to their first choice school #ragrets
  4. Alex Miller’s Assassin skills are clearly not as strong as his jawline… #nothating #lowkeyjealous
  5. Sydney Lambert and Ellie Bezos have both been eliminated. You can buy best friends on Amazon but it’s like $9.99 so it’s not worth it.
  6. Fiona’s got marks on her neck, and Roy isn’t even in school #allisfairinloveandwar
  7. Without his trusty leotard and a crowd of old men watching, it seems that Greg Crowley just couldn’t run fast enough #hedead
  8. Kyle K may be blocking goals but he couldn’t block the marker today. Turns out he’s not as good at sports where everyone can use their hands

Honorable Mentions:

  • With Berglass, Salzinger and now Michael Litton all dead, our skater numbers are dangerously low. #CouldntKickFlipYourWayToSuccess
  • Spiro baby *said in a high pitch voice*… you’re dead. Maybe Fayez will have better luck next year. #Captains


By Noam Cherki